I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
