3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
