He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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