Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My vagina just clenched in fear
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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