im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Randomize
