New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
