if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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