I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize