Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
