Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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