Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
