she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
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