ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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