i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
