Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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