she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
