i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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