she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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