I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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