i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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