I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We left an ass print on the piano.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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