I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
i think my cat just said my name.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
