I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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