I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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