She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
