last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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