so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
