That's intense
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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