I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
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