and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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