I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
