Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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