I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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