yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
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