nut hugger
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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