So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
