i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
My cat gives me a boner
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
