I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
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