for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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