New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
