theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
