This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
