when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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