dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I currently don't understand fingers.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
