oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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