Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
