i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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