in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
