We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
is wine microwaveable?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Randomize
