Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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