and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she pinky promised me she was 18
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Randomize
