The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
