Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
