NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
