the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
