lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
