dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
