Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
