My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
So squirting runs in the family.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
