I faked an abortion last night.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
