dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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