I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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