I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
