As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
